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5 entries this month
For a special UK guy....01:30 Jul 30 2008
Times Read: 715
Top 10 Duties of Queen Elizabeth II
1. Gets to throw the first punch in British football riots
2. Appears in TV ads for Tesco's
3. Puts on big furry bear costume and greets visitors to Buckingham Palace
4. Feed the royal monkeys
5. Play local disc jockeys in donkey basketball games for charity
6. Represent the UK among the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling
7. Make Prince Harry stop wearing the T-shirt that says "Wanna See The Royal Jewels?"
8. Must chase, kill, and consume barn rats
9. Kick the Queen of Sweden's ass in croquet
10. Tip like a big shot
How to tell if You're Posessed01:50 Jul 29 2008
Times Read: 721
1. You feel stuffed even after a light meal
2. Your voice sounds more and more like Bea Arthur's
3. You run around your Palm Beach house wearing nothing but an Oxford shirt
4. You ask the barber to cut your hair a little more like Hitler's
5. You find yourself wondering what sex with Cher would be like
6. You don't have to use rear-view mirror to look at the cars behind you
7. You're a former cast member of "Diff'rent Strokes"
8. Every time you hiccup, sparks fly out of your mouth
9. You become Vice President of the US even though you are a total boob
10. When "Ghost Whisperer" comes on, your eyes start to sting
Ways McDonald's Is Now Health Conscious02:48 Jul 28 2008
Times Read: 726
1. Ronald McDonald no longer spends night sleeping in salad bar.
2. Happy Meals no longer include pack of Luckies
3. When out of Shamrock Shakes, will no longer substitute mop water.
4. Decorative bowls of mercury removed from tables.
5. Clerks now ask "Would you like the name of a good heart specialist with that?"
6. Discontinuing "find a rusty nail in your Big Mac" game
7. New combination salad dressing/sunblock
8. Employees must wash hands after patting down choking victims for wallet and jewelry.
9. Mayor McCheese excused from duty at fry machine due to dry, hacking cough.
10. Decided to drop Porksicles.
--from "Late Night with David Letterman"
Top 10 Government Euphemisms for the Recession00:34 Jul 28 2008
Times Read: 728
1. Lifestyle downscaling opportunity
2. Our Little Problem
3. The ugly, stupid cousin of robust growth
4. Something for you '30's nostalgia buff
5. Cheap meat-eatin' days
6. A treat for our bankruptcy lawyer friends
7. A good time to switch to RC Cola
8. Still a hell of a lot better than any country in South America
9. The National Bummer
10. It's Krazy Dollar Days!
---from "Late Night with David Letterman"
Top 10 Fast Food Franchises in Iraq03:51 Jul 27 2008
Times Read: 741
1. Kentucky Gassed Chicken
2. Sand-in-the-Box
3. Saddam's Big Boy
4. Goats n' Stuff
5. Veil-less Babes Donut Shop
6. Donkey Hut
7. Glorious Martyred Chicken Parts
8. Falafel Bell
9. Taco Tent
10. Stuff Your Hump
*From "Late Night with David Letterman"
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COMMENTS
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BLOODLIFE
09:02 Jul 30 2008
lol ... tooo cruel.. lol
Theban
10:53 Dec 08 2009
Lol I like this!